REAL LIFE: How working with inmates changed the way I thought about parenting

By: Karina Lane, Parenting Coach

I’ve always been in the helping industry, firstly with the homeless and then with offenders, both in and out of gaol.

Working with inmates gave me a lot of insight into how early experiences can impact on life development, and when I started having my own babies, I took on extra training to understand this even more.

What I learnt changed my parenting world. I had NO idea how important early attachment was, and what my kids really needed from me as a mum – not just as infants and toddlers, but as older kids too. I started working with other parents to spread awareness of this amazing parenting approach.

I registered for more parenting training, studied Parent Coaching and slowly built my online business at the same time.

A lot of my work is about inspiring mums to be the woman they want to be, aside from their role as MUM. We exist as human beings as well as mothers, and it IS possible to realise your dreams, reach your goals, be fulfilled as a human being AND be a wonderful mum to your kids.

You just need to know a few parenting secrets to iron out the challenges along the way, because this is what will free you up to dream big.

Three tips I can share to help mums make parenting easier right now are:

1. Watch your expectations

Whether it’s the ones you have of your kids, or the high standards you have for yourself, unrealistic expectations are big culprits when it comes to unnecessary parenting stress.

Be kind to you and remind yourself that you’re a human being, who is entitled to make mistakes, prone to losing patience at times, and may want a break from parenting now and then.

As for your kids: remember that no matter how big they seem to you, they’re still just kids, who haven’t been on the planet that long. They’re still learning, especially when it comes to managing their behaviour.

2. Don’t forget the fun factor

We can get really bogged down in the rules and regulations of parenting, but don’t let that get in the way of enjoying time together. Say ‘yes’ sometimes, instead of ‘no’. Be silly. Dress up with the kids.  Play hide and seek together. None of these have to take up a lot of time, and are GREAT for easing a stressful afternoon or dealing with grumpy moods.

3. Show your kids affection often

Seize moments to delight in your child, either with a random hug, ruffling their hair, or patting them on the back as they walk past you. These small acts of love go such a long way in our kids, even the ones who we think are too old for it. It’s these sorts of interactions that remind your kids they are safe and secure in a world that is pretty scary right now.

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I am not the most organised mum in the world, so life gets pretty crazy sometimes. My kids are now 11yrs, 8yrs and 6yrs x 2 (identical twins). I told everyone I was done with having babies, but then I got a puppy too…he’s nearly 1 🙂

There’s always housework to be done, so I have to be disciplined by sticking to work only during school hours.

I find making lists really helps me sort out my priorities. I am always with a notepad and pen! Of course, my family always comes first, so if something comes up, I’m there. That was the whole point of starting my own business, really: to be available to my kids whenever they need me, without an employer breathing down my neck.

I’ve just launched my signature coaching program, The Connection Project, so my big focus is on getting this into the hands of mums who want to make parenting life easier, more fulfilling and more enjoyable.