Real life: “After 8 heartbreaking years, a surrogate made my motherhood dream come true”

“Yep, let’s do this.” The text that changed my life in the best way possible.

By Lisa Messenger

It’s been a long journey to motherhood. Before my son Hugo came along, I had been trying to become a mum for eight years.

The journey began with my first pregnancy in 2015, which heartbreakingly resulted in my first miscarriage with my previous partner.

About nine months later, after that relationship had ended, I visited an orphanage in Bali where I fell in love with a little girl named Gracie whom I tried to adopt, but the long and complex process made it impossible to take her home with me.

Fast forward to 2016 – I was single yet absolutely ready to do motherhood on my own, which marked the start of my IVF journey. I did two (unsuccessful) rounds of IVF with donor sperm before meeting my current partner Stevan.

On our second date, he asked if I wanted to have children, to which I said an enthusiastic “yes.” Six months later, we started trying to conceive naturally.

Over the next six and a half years, I went through another 14 rounds of IVF with Stevan, after which my beautiful friend Sarah offered us a beautiful gift: to be our surrogate. Sarah and I met back in 2011 through a work opportunity I was seeking her expertise on.

Just before our first scheduled meeting, she rang to let me know her babysitter cancelled at the last minute and asked if I wanted to postpone. I told her I’d be happy for her to bring her 6-month-old along – and so began my friendship with her, and my love for her now 14-year-old daughter.

In 2018, Sarah asked about my IVF journey and said if I ever wanted a surrogate, she would love to carry my baby. I was blown away by the incredibly generous offer and, at the time, it wasn’t something I’d considered. I still hadn’t given up on the idea of carrying my own baby.

It wasn’t until nearly four years later, after trying every test and treatment you could imagine, that when she texted me asking again about my IVF journey, I was in a vulnerable and courageous enough state to reply, “Not great. Still want to be my surrogate?” The text she sent back changed my life: “Yep. Let’s do this.”

The first implantation, unfortunately, didn’t stick. The hardest part was not knowing if Sarah would want to do it again… but she insisted on trying again straight away.

Four weeks, another embryo and another two-week wait later, we were pregnant. After 8 years, 18 rounds of IVF, injecting myself 480 times, and countless ups and downs along the way, I was finally going to be a mum, thanks in large part to Sarah’s selflessness and generosity.

My favourite thing about Sarah carrying Hugo was how our friendship developed. We did every step of the process together and made those 9 months the most fun, from lunches before appointments to spa days and weekends away, it was a truly special bonding experience with someone so important to me.

From the start, we couldn’t have done this without the support of our loved ones and it’s still that way to this day. We’re so privileged to have this incredible, supportive community around us who always want to drop by and hug and cuddle Hugo – he loves being passed around!

They say it takes a village and it couldn’t be more true for us. I’m thankful for things like Philips Avent‘s newest line of feeding products which allow us to share the feeding responsibilities not only between me and Stevan but also with our other friends and family, including Sarah. The products feature innovative technology providing Hugo with comfortable, controlled feeds based on his own natural feeding rhythm.

Using Philips Avent feeding products has allowed everyone including grandparents, friends and neighbours to be part of the experience of feeding Hugo.

Stevan helps with feeding at night and during their father-son morning beach strolls. And now, my healthy, growing, thriving boy has even been able to feed himself!

These products have given me more flexibility than I ever could have imagined, both as a working mum and as the mum of a baby who’s always been at the centre of an amazing village, full of eager-to-help loved ones since long before he was born.

Since becoming Hugo’s mum, there have been a lot of lessons and love, and I’ve enjoyed every delicious moment. The most important thing I’ve learned is that there’s nothing wrong with accepting help – from friends, partners, family, or even products, that all have me and my baby’s best interests at heart.

Most mums know the “juggle” of trying to balance all that we do, but it’s reassuring to remember that we never have to do it all by ourselves. That village it takes to raise a baby? What a beautiful thing.