REAL LIFE: “How foster care has enriched our family for the better”
In celebration of World Care Day on 17th February, foster carer Joe MacLeod is sharing his family’s experience of fostering two teenagers.
By Joe MacLeod
Whichever way you look at it, there is still a lot of stigma around foster care, and plenty of myths to go along with it.
My wife Emma and I became foster parents to a set of teenage siblings through MacKillop Family Services about four years ago. We also have our own two kids; a four-year-old boy and a little girl who just turned one.
Over the years, we’ve busted our fair share of myths around the realities of foster care. Here are some of the biggest.
Foster carer Joe MacLeod is encouraging Australians to explore foster caring.
Myth one: Foster care is only a short-term solution
Many foster kids have had multiple placements, and a lot believe that foster care is just a short-term solution – there’s the perception amongst the kids that it’s a quick fix. The reality is that foster care comes in many forms, from respite (one weekend a month) to emergency (up to two weeks), short-term (up to two years), or long-term (two or more years).
We had looked after our foster son temporarily early on when what was supposed to be a weekend turned into six months. When our eldest biological son was born, our foster son went to another foster family, but then was moved into a group home. We couldn’t bear the thought of him and his sister living in a group home when they could be with us, in a loving family environment, so we made the decision to offer them both a forever home.
Myth two: Fostering is disruptive for families
Fostering has given our own kids a big brother and sister, which is just beautiful to watch. The family dynamics are amazing – the little kids sit by the door waiting for the big kids to get home from school. Seeing them all interact and play together is the highlight of my day.
Watching this dynamic has been quite a surprise, particularly for our foster son, who is on the spectrum. He presents as someone who is quite autistic, but when he’s playing with the younger kids he becomes more child-like and completely immersed in play. It is very therapeutic for him to be around the little kids.
Myth three: Only exceptional carers need apply
A lot of people think you must be ‘exceptional’ to be a carer, but in reality, if you understand how families work and you know how to love and care for people, then you have the capacity to be a foster carer. Having an understanding of trauma is definitely an advantage, but compassion and patience go a long way if you don’t have that background.
Of course, many foster kids come with complex personal histories that we don’t know about, they may be carrying a lot of trauma, diagnoses, and stories that even they don’t remember. Having to respond to issues when we’re not always aware of the root cause can be challenging. We find it’s really important to not take any behavioural issues personally but to try and understand what might be triggering them.
Dr Robyn Miller, the CEO of MacKillop Family Services, says there is a critical need for foster carers everywhere. She urges people to consider becoming foster carers and find out about the different ways they can help.
Myth four: Fostering doesn’t help in the long term
Fostering makes a huge difference in these children’s lives over the long term. Our foster children had been in a group home before, and they are 100% more settled now. They feel safer and more stable, and they have their needs met better in a foster care environment than they did in a group home.
Seeing the turnaround in them both has been amazing. When they came to us, they were both heavily medicated, highly anxious, and struggling. They are now both off the medications and coping well. They’re both really engaged in school, and they have ideas of what they want to do after school. It’s incredibly rewarding to see that transformation.
Myth five: Foster carers don’t get enough support
My advice to anyone interested in becoming a foster carer would be to talk to other carers and spend some time with some families who are fostering kids or teens to get an understanding of what it’s really like. Then reach out to the services in your area – whether that’s MacKillop Family Services or other services – and talk to them about what options there are that would work for your family.
MacKillop’s initial training gave us a really good foundation, and it’s something we can keep referring back to during the foster care journey. That’s been really helpful. The ongoing support from MacKillop has also been fantastic. We have case workers and access to whatever therapeutic specialist services we need to make sure the kids’ external needs are met.
Some of the other common myths that MacKillop Family Services comes up against include that foster carers must own their own home (false – renting is fine, as long as you have a spare room), and that foster carers can’t work full time (also false! MacKillop Family Services provides all sorts of travel and school care support to enable work-life balance for foster carers).
There are 45,000 children across Australia who grow up in foster care, kinship care or residential care each year. Why not take the first steps to see if it could be right for your family?
Visit Care Day 2023 | MacKillop Family Services to see how you can get involved in supporting young people in care.
