Real life: “I was a broke single mum facing homelessness, now I own 17 properties”

A mum-of-two shares her journey of rebuilding her life after hitting rock bottom.

By Anissa Cavallo, property expert and adviser from Eda Property

Being a single parent is not a full-time job. It’s about five full-time jobs. Add in two neurodiverse children, and you are literally running a country.

I was a corporate executive b*tch who didn’t want children. Somehow, I have ended up with six children, a business that helps people buy property and a huge investment portfolio and happier than ever.

But not too long ago, I was a broke single mother facing bankruptcy and on the verge of homelessness.

As a child, I learned from a young age to use money to buy friendships. I was always a bit different – taller, clunkier, louder. Never the sweet child that all teachers and parents adored.

At a Catholic primary school in those days, I was singled out as mentally unwell and bad – even promiscuous. I remember my prep teacher angrily scolding me in front of the class for being too loud. I just assumed I was defective and that I had to do something to be better. But nothing I could do would ever be enough, because I wasn’t the problem.

When I got my period in grade 3, I was accused of kissing boys and being promiscuous. I still thought a pash was a type of soft drink and kissing was something you did with your lips closed.

This theme of feeling not quite right, not being the trendiest, the prettiest, or the most popular followed me into my early adulthood. The one thing I was though, was smart – no one really wanted that title in those days, so I was happy to take it. I was also desperate to get a job and was one of the first of my friends to start working and earning well.

One day at a bar, my friends suggested talking to a group of boys to get them to buy us drinks. I knew that I would end up with the boy that no one else wanted to talk to.

So, because I had a job and I could afford my own drinks, I went up to the bar and bought them for myself, all of my friends and the group of boys.

Suddenly, everyone noticed me and the penny dropped. My way to acceptance and belonging was through money. This was how I could make people love me.

I was then motivated to make a lot of money, and it became my identity to do so. I was an executive working hard, but also playing hard and spending everything on ‘love’.

During this time, I had several partners who financially abused me – from leaching off me to full on fraud. But it was validating to me. I wanted people who needed my money so that I could feel like I was in control of their love and so they’d be less likely to leave me.

Eventually, I found a man willing to marry me and who talked me into children. I kept on working through my pregnancies. The day I had my first daughter, I rang the office as soon as they had put her to sleep to ask about an email.

With my second child, I would breastfeed in the photocopy room before going to meetings. I worked from 7 to 7, and my children attended daycare from the ages of 6, from 7 to 7. I was tired but I couldn’t stop. The pattern of my identity and worth being attached to money continued and I started believing that the more I could give my children, the more they would love me.

Then burnout hit me.

I couldn’t keep working like this. I looked at my financial situation. Even though I was an executive in financial services and my job was to help people retire, I was nowhere near replacing my executive income. I had worked with huge accounts – Nomura bank, Bank of Scotland, QIC, NAB – huge institutions that trusted my capacity. I was good at what I did, but I was in a financial state that did not reflect my knowledge base. 

I decided to sell the two houses that I had purchased to invest in higher-yield opportunities, aiming to take some time off and build passive income. I realised that these properties had generated more profit in five years than my funds were projected to make in 15 (based on ASIC calculators).

My husband at the time said, “Isn’t it interesting that you give advice in financial services, and yet you have made more money out of property yourself.”

My lightbulb moment.

I took gardening leave and built a methodology to invest in property. Within six months, I had performed better than other asset classes and was approached to help other people. This was my calling. I built a new life with more freedom – a portfolio of properties that gave me true financial independence, and I was happy. Or was I?

My husband and I divorced, and we lost everything in the process. I came to the marriage with investments yielding $100,000 per year and two investment properties. While we were together, I built this to something much greater, but by the time I left, I had nothing.

My rock bottom.

I felt real despair and hopelessness. I felt old, tired and absolutely useless. My whole identity, which was attached to my wealth, was gone. I tried to hang on to my business but eventually, I moved in with my parents. With nothing. 

My birthday that year I turned a corner… Mum and Dad walked into my room that morning and said happy birthday to me. I was crying under the covers and told them I was ashamed, and I wanted to die. I had nothing. I was only living for my beautiful children, but I couldn’t even look after them – I felt worthless.

My parents sat on my bed trying to cheer me up. My Dad, in his 70s and still running a successful business, said, “But I have made your favourite dessert, tiramisu”. And my Mum said, “I have made your favourite meal – spezzatino”. I looked at them and realised I had everything – family, friends, food and love. I was going to be okay. Compared to 99% of the global population I was RICH.

And so began my healthy relationship with money. I needed that experience to achieve what I have achieved today. Only when I understood that I already had everything and that money didn’t define me, could I be open enough to actually have a good relationship with money and use it to gain what I value most in life – time with my children, family and friends.

1. I stopped spending on stupid stuff.
2. I stopped working like an idiot.
3. I surrendered to the universe – knowing that things would come if I had a life of balance.
4. I was grateful.
5. I took my own advice.
6. I listened to my children.

In the five years since my divorce, I have come full circle. I lost everything, faced bankruptcy, had to move back in with my parents for two years while I rebuilt and today, I run a very successful business, have 17 properties and understand that my worth is not attached to the money I make.

I am still exhausted. My children drive me mad, and it takes me about 60 minutes to get my son’s shoes on every morning and we are late about three days a week. But I am also happy because today, I work with everyday Aussies from all walks of life, including other single mothers who want to secure financial independence for themselves and their children, by helping them to invest in property so that they too can gain more time with their loved ones.

Anissa Cavallo is a property expert and adviser from Eda Property empowering and educating Australians to achieve financial freedom through property.