“She is asking me to pay her to have our child” says would-be dad
“She was very direct!”
A post on Reddit went viral when a man posted that his wife has demanded that he financially compensate – ie, pay – her to have his child. It received more than 900 comments, mostly coming down on the woman’s side, before being deleted.
The couple, who earn a combined $350k a year, had decided it was time to start a family, however the wife admitted she didn’t want it to impact her finances because she’d earn 50% of her salary for six months of maternity leave.
Thirty-four-year-old @husbandmaybefather explained in the social post that the couple keeps their finances separate and that his 29-year-old wife is very focused on her career. So far, they have split the cost of everything, from their wedding to their mortgage and living expenses.
A few months after deciding the time was right, the wife presented her husband with a 16-page ring binder of expenses set out for their future family, and this included him paying her between $50,000 and $100,000 to cover her losses for a 12-month maternity leave period.
According to the shocked husband, the extensive plan made sense to a degree but he added that “The idea of a payment plan to have a child is just gross.”
“She wants me to compensate the loss of her salary”
“She wants to keep housework split, with plans to start saving for both childcare and additional housekeeper expenses for at least the first four years,” said @husbandmaybefather on the Reddit thread.
“But the immediate and essential element here is that she wants me to pay her $50,000 to $100,000 to compensate the loss of her salary for six to 12 months as a result of her having our child.
“I really do not know how to process this,: said @husbandmaybefather. “My first thought is shock because, despite our salaries, $50,000 to $100,000 is a lot to demand.
“She is now asking me to compensate her for six to 12 months … for the time she will have to take off to have our child.”
“She was very direct,” the poster continued. “She said that while her insurance would cover the vast majority of hospital related costs during pregnancy and childbirth, taking a six-month break from work would cost her almost $50,000.
“Her stance is that she is doing something for us to start a family.
“But she says it is not a true 50-50 split if she is expected to take a financial hit for it and I am not, given that our finances are separate.”
“Are they ready to have kids…?”
More than 900 people responded to his post and the views probably weren’t what he was hoping for. Most took the side of his wife, with some agreeing that they had a similar plan with their partner and others saying they wished they’d come up with that when they were planning a family.
The good
“I love her approach. She was ready with all the figures, explanations and the planning is impressive,” said one.
One added, “If your style is 50/50 that’s cool. But you can’t expect her to forego her income and take on the stress of a newborn while you essentially live your same financial life unscathed.”
“She’s 100 per cent right and is very smart to put this together. Shared baby, shared costs,” said another.
“I would pay for that binder. She should publish that.”
“You’ve married a savvy woman. Women lose out so much career and financial wise taking time out to have children.”
“This man’s wife is a bloody genius, she got her s*** together and has a back up plan – her parents should be proud! Hell, I’m proud of her!”
The bad
“Sounds like you want her to give up her body and huge chunk of her pay while you do nothing,” one wrote.
“You’re the a** in this situation buddy and you might want to rethink if you are ready to have a child.”
“I stopped working to raise children because their father earned a better income than me,” she said. “His career took off so I lost out on years of superannuation and had to start all over again.
The ugly
“I was always promised I’d be looked after. Until I wasn’t. I’m now raising two kids by myself with zero financial help from their father.”
