Sex during pregnancy: A dads-to-be guide

Her feeling

If you're feeling bewildered by the new role your partner's body has taken on, and you're not sure how you feel about it all, the good news is that she is probably feeling just as confused. Don't be surprised if you find that sex is off the agenda during the early stages of pregnancy, particularly if your partner's experiencing a lot of nausea. She might also feel unattractive, too motherly or just too tired for sex. But don't despair – she should be feeling better soon, and some women find being pregnant the ultimate turn on from the word go. After all, there's no need for contraception, her man is obviously virile, and her body is becoming all woman!

Your feelings

It's quite possible you'll both cover the whole range of emotions between desire and disgust. Many of your reactions towards sex will be unpredictable, and they can change from week to week. So it's a good idea to try to discuss this subject from the outset. Get your desires straight, as well as your facts (but be careful not to turn it into a bargaining session, where you're trying to 'get' sex). Use it as an opportunity to be more open than ever about what you both want.

Your partner's body is changing, and you're going to have to respect that. If she is genuinely tired or sick, don't assume she's being lazy. Instead, you should work together to find times when you both want sex.

Love her body

Although some women feel adorable as they change, many women think they're fat, with leaky breasts, and that they've lost all their girl-appeal. If you choose to enjoy the changes in her body, you can assure her that pregnancy has made her beautiful, and this will make her feel wanted and sexy. Few men complain about bigger breasts, after all, and a swollen belly is beautiful to behold.

Pregnancy is also a good time to focus on your feelings during sex. If you stop worrying about the mechanics of the process, you'll find that sex with a pregnant lover is incredibly moving.

Keeping it up!

You can keep having sex until that last minute, unless there have been obvious problems with her pregnancy (such as vaginal bleeding or a threatened miscarriage). Your baby is safely protected, and orgasms are no problem, so she needn't hold back. If she feels the baby kick after a really good session, it's only because he/she has heard her heart beating fast.

Experimental sex

In the first few months, nothing needs to change at all during sex, except that you can stop worrying about contraception. You can also begin to experiment with new positions, more foreplay and massages. As she gets larger, you'll probably make good use of them. Don't think of the bulge as something that gets in the way – enjoy the beauty of her new shape.

Many couples find that sex becomes gradually less gymnastic as time goes by, but no less rewarding. She can go on top, you can both lie on your sides. Doggy style works well for some. Oral sex is as good as ever, and can be useful in the late stages, when she'll be feeling less manoeuvrable. Although your baby is safe, most people hold back from really hard penetration towards the end, not least because it can be painful for your partner when there's a baby in there as well.

Use your imagination, and encourage your partner to let you know what feels good, and what worries her. Be relaxed enough to have a laugh as you discover what works and what doesn't.

Sex at full-term
When the nine months are nearly up, you should be aware that sperm contains chemicals that can induce contractions. Some women make good use of this fact when they reach their due date, so keep your energy levels high, just in case!

Don't let sex fall by the wayside, during pregnancy. It can be an important source of relaxation and intimacy for both of you.