Can my ex and I be separated but still live under the same roof as we can’t afford to move out?

By Carolyn Devries, founder of New Way Lawyers

The current economic circumstances mean many people are finding it difficult to make ends meet.

Even a simple visit to the grocery store has risen by 10% and experts are predicting it will rise another 8% in 2023, placing even more financial strain on families.

Combine this with rising mortgage rates, rent and utilities, and it is easy to see why many people are feeling financially stressed. For couples who are separating, the financial stress is particularly pronounced as they switch from relying on double incomes to a single income.

In addition to daily living expenses, separated couples may also need to budget for additional costs such as relocation, bond, child support or spousal maintenance.

It is little wonder that separating couples are wondering if they can continue to live with their ex while maintaining their separated status. Are they allowed to stay under the same roof without it impacting how soon they can be divorced?

The good news is that you can live under the same roof and continue to be ‘separated’ from a legal perspective.  Providing there are no safety issues between the parties, this may be a good solution for some couples, given the current economic circumstances.

Parties who continue to live under the same roof will however require good communication, and clear boundaries will need to be set and respected with each other.

While a common or shared residence may be maintained, other aspects of the party’s relationship will shift and change, and it will be these changes that will be relied on as evidence of separation when applying for a divorce.

For example, common changes will likely include…

1. Changes in sleeping arrangements

2. Changes in the division of household chores

3. Changes to the public aspect of the relationship, for example communicating to family and friends that the relationship has ended and changes to joint socialisation

4. Changes to financial arrangements including the establishment of separate bank accounts and independent finances, except for shared living expenses. Evidence of the above changes may be required to establish separation and apply for divorce if the parties maintain a shared residence.

What happens if I can’t afford to pay my share of the mortgage or debts following a separation?

Following separation, additional expenses and costs mean individuals may struggle to meet payment of their debts or liabilities. If you are struggling to meet your liabilities it is best to seek help as soon as possible because there are options. Options may include:

1. Negotiating with the bank to request a “loan holiday” for an agreed period. This entails the bank agreeing to temporarily suspend payments, which are then added to future payments over the loan term.

2. Engaging in discussions with the other party to explore alternative options, such as liquidating other assets that can be applied towards loan or repayments. It is important to ensure that any discussions are safe, and that there are no family violence orders prohibiting communication.

3. Considering the possibility of renting or selling the house if mortgage payments can’t be met.

4. Seeking advice from a family lawyer to discuss options for interim and final property/financial settlement.

Mediation or Family Dispute Resolution may be beneficial for a positive shared living environment

It’s important for couples who remain living under the same roof to maintain a cordial relationship and a positive environment. This requires putting your feelings for your ex-partner to the side and prioritising respect and boundaries.

You may want to consider doing mediation or family dispute resolution with a third-party to ensure your same-roof living arrangements are fair and to prevent any issues before they arise. This is particularly important if there are children involved.

Continue to work and progress toward a final and more permanent arrangement?

Living separated under the same roof may be helpful in the short term due to the current cost of living crisis but for most people it won’t be a permanent or long-term option and both parties should continue to take steps to resolve parenting and property / financial matters on a final basis.

Obtaining advice from a family lawyer early in the process can be helpful and an important part of this process as it allows parties to understand how the family law system works.

It also allows parties to understand their individual rights and entitlements. Obtaining information and advice about family law matters is now easy and convenient.

Thanks to New Way Lawyers Lunch with a Lawyer individuals going through separation can ask their family law question online and a qualified family lawyer will respond.