Ask the Village: “Naming a baby after a loved one – yes or no?”
"My husband and I are having a huge debate over a baby name."
One of the first big decisions for parents-to-be is deciding on your baby’s name.
For many couples, it’s not any easy task. With personal likes and dislikes and, not to mention, pregnancy hormones raging internally, it can be tricky for two people to come to a name they can both agree on.
One mum-to-be struggling to agree with her husband on a baby name, approached the Bounty Parents Ask the Village forum to see if the community could offer some helpful advice.
“OK, I need help. My husband and I are having a huge debate over a baby name,” she begins.
“I want to name our daughter after my mum who passed away when I was 12 but my husband feels strongly that naming a baby after a beloved person is too much pressure for them to live up to and says we should honour my mum in a different way. My emotions are already running high with hormones and I can’t seem to get past not being allowed to do this. Has anybody else been through something like this? How did you make it work?”
“I want to name our daughter after my mum who passed away when I was 12”
As always, our Ask the Village community was ready and waiting to offer their wisdom to help out another parent in need.
Heartfelt advice poured in from mothers, some who had been in a similar situation to our poster, with most suggesting the couple dedicate the middle name to the loved one.
“My mum passed away while I was pregnant with our third daughter, so to honour her they share the same middle name. To a degree I agree with your husband, we purposely didn’t name any of our children after anyone as we want then to be their own person & not have to “live up to” a name.’,” offered one commenter.
While another shared: “My mum passed away when I was 12 too. We gave my first daughter my mums name as her middle name. We chose her first name together. She loves that she is named for her grandmother even if though she has never met her. There is no reason I would expect my child to “live up to” my mother, they are two different people. My second and third daughter also have middle names after important women in my and my husbands life.”
Another mama had this advice for the mum-to-be: “I’ve honoured people (passed and living) with my kids middle names. I believe their first name should be there own but always love honouring someone for the middle name. Perhaps you and your partner can use your mum’s name as a middle name and come up with a name you both like as a first?
She continues: “Your partner’s feelings do need to be considered as it is his child too. Maybe even finding a name with a nickname in it or recreating the name to include parts of it to honour her. (My mum’s name is Lyn and my grandmother is Kathleen, my hubby suggested Katelyn to me to honour them both in a new name?)”
Others agreed with the husband, saying there are other ways to honour a loved one.
“I agree with your husbands stance on this,” wrote one commenter. “Your child is their own person. A middle name is okay, but only if your husband is okay with that. He is right, there are other ways to honour your mum.”
Another suggested: “We used the birth month flower for my grandpa as my first born middle name is Violet, and significant memories such as the huge yellow rose bush my nanna had in her front yard, my second born middle name is Rose. Its a good compromise on including special people and memories in the name.”
If you have a question that our community can help with, visit Ask the Village where you can submit it anonymously.
