Involving grandparents in your child’s life

You may plan to raise your baby differently to how your were raised but grandparents may have lots to offer you in terms of support and friendship as well as helping with babysitting and daycare further down the track.

Your parents and in-laws also need to adjust to their new role once a baby is born and they can be invaluable in your children’s lives.

If your relationship with your own parents was strong before you had children, you’ll soon realise that their wisdom and experience are invaluable. A baby can also bring families closer as new parents start to truly understand why their parents did or said what they did.

Here are some factors to consider when involving grandaparents in your child’s life.

Don’t let distance keep you apart

Modern grandparents tend to live further away from their grandchildren these days than before. But that shouldn’t stop them playing an active part in your children’s early years. If it is difficult for them to come to you, visit them regularly or stay for a weekend. Children benefit by seeing your good relationship with your own parents. And if it hasn’t always been easy in the past, a new grandchild’s arrival is a good time to start building bridges in your relationship.

A more relaxed role

The grandparent-child relationship is less formal than it used to be. Children these days may have less respect for their elders, but, on the positive side, this means that grannies and granddads are viewed as individuals rather than just ‘old people’.

Grandparents are more often asked to help with childcare, too. Many take on a major role during the week, if both parents work. It will help to build a wonderful bond between the generations, if grandparents can help out without being taken for granted.

Doctor, Olympian and mum-of-six Jana Pittman makes no bones about the fact that she relies on her mum’s help so she can continue working. When questioned about how she manages to travel for work with her six-month-old twin babies in tow, Jana replied: “I get asked how I manage travelling to speaking gigs with twins.. this amazing woman makes it all possible”.

Benefits of not being ‘mum’

A grandparent can’t replace you, but, as they don’t change every nappy and feed every meal, they bring a fresh approach and renewed energy. A grandparent’s role isn’t about discipline; they’re no longer harassed parents; they have time to talk, to provide treats and cuddles, to have fun.

Bindi Irwin praised her mum – grandma Bunny – for her birthday in July. Posting to Instagram with a series of photos she wrote:

“Grace’s ‘Bunny’.
Our beautiful daughter is blessed beyond measure to have all the love in the world from my sweet mama. ❤️
“Happy Birthday, Bunny!”

Your changing relationship with your parents

As grandparents develop a relationship with your child, so your relationship with your parents changes. You’ll probably stop being cross with your own parents: they may have made the odd mistake but, as you’ll have discovered, it’s impossible to be a perfect parent.

Friction can arise if you feel your parents are critical of your parenting style, but often they’ll end up admiring your abilities and accept that you know best for your own children.

And don’t feel it’s only your mum who has a lot to offer – dads can often be a huge support, too.

Jana Pittman proudly posted photos of her dad on Father’s Day 2022 as he worked on building a holiday home for his grandchildren.

“What’s your dad doing on Father’s Day.…. my 76yr old daddio is doing what he loves.. working to build all his grand babies a holiday house down the coast.

“Move it or lose it.. don’t think many guys could move like my ‘young’ man of a dad does 🥰

“Love you dad, you are my inspiration”

7 tips for a grand relationship

1. Involve grandparents early – they’ll become relaxed with your child more quickly and your baby will be happy to go to them.
2. To redirect try gentle pointers like: “She seems most relaxed when I hold her like this.”
3. Establish how much help they’re happy to give and show appreciation – remember that they have their own lives, too.
4. Sit down and talk about how you do things – grandparents may try to take over, after all they have done this before.
5. Try not to hover – does it matter if they sneak her a couple of extra spoons of dessert?
6. Help your child to keep in touch – a finger painting is just as good as writing.
7. If you’re separated by distance, created a photo album of your extended family and use it like a story book. Tell your little stories about your family as you show them the photos.