Help! My kid is scared of pooing

By the time your toddler is ready for toilet training you’ll have encountered ‘one or two’ bumps in your parenting journey, where things didn’t go quite how you thought they might…

So it won’t come as any surprise to learn that potty training can also throw up some curve balls, including when your child is scared to poo on the potty or toilet.

Midwife and mum-of-two Megan Baker shares her tips and experience to help you understand why your tot doesn’t want to poo on the toilet and how to help them make the transition with a minimum of fuss.

Let’s talk about poos and potty time

How do I know my child is ready to toilet train?

Indications that your toddler is ready to toilet train include being able to follow simple instructions, disliking the feeling of wet or dirty nappies, taking an interest in your bathroom habits and being able to take off their nappy.

Why does my child refuse to poo on the potty?

There are various reasons why kids don’t want to sit on the potty, especially to poo. One of the most common reasons is that they are simply too busy and have a hundred and one other things that they could be doing instead of sitting still! Wees come out fast but patience is required for poos  – and toddlers are not known for patience.

Another issue is fear. “It’s not uncommon for toddlers to be scared of pooing,” says Megan. “It might also be that they simply aren’t ready to make the transition out of nappies.”

Why is my child scared to poo?

“If your child appears to be scared of pooing on the potty, you’re not alone,” says Megan. “It’s common for toddlers to be fearful, for a host of reasons including new sensations.” These include the feeling of air around their usually covered bottom or the sensation of a poo leaving their body entirely, which is a very different experience to how it’s felt for them since they were born.

“They might be scared that they’ll fall into the potty or toilet – or that they’ll fall off the toilet,” Megan continues. For this reason a sturdy, high-backed, supportive potty can reassure them that they are safe. Their feet can be firmly planted on the floor, which can also help when they’re ready to push their poo out.

“Bathroom doors are often closed when people use the toilet, so it’s important to leave the door open to allow your child to see you and other family members use the toilet,” says Megan. It’s a way of demystifying the process – and, yes, it’s also the beginning of many years of never going to the toilet on your own!

Scroll down for 10 tips to help reduce the fear and let the poo go free…

10 potty training tips to help with number twos!

1.Keep the door open. Make sure you let your toilet training toddler see you and other close family members on the toilet. Leave the door open and talk about it honestly and let them see and hear you flush the toilet, so they aren’t scared of the noise – or of getting sucked down.

2. Stage a sit in. Don’t rush to get your child toilet trained if they are showing fear. Still encourage them to sit on the potty on a regular basis but let them stay clothed, wearing a nappy. Move to pull-ups, which are easier for them (and you) to get the on and off. You might try cutting a hole in the bottom of the pull-ups or nappy, or placing a potty liner such as babyU Popette Plus Liners or their nappy – don’t flush these! – in the toilet to catch the poo.

3. Bribery can be a good thing... Like many aspects of parenting, gentle persuasion can help get us where we want to go. Put together a box of storybooks, toys, bubbles, reward stickers (you can stick them on the potty) or special treats that only come out when it’s toilet time.

4. Stories about poos! Don’t only talk about toilet training at poo time. Get some books and stories about poos to read throughout the day.

5. High and dry. Make sure your little one feels safe and secure on a high-backed potty with a high splash-proof front, and place a babyU Disposable Change Mat beneath it in case of spills and accidents. When moving the toilet – or starting on the toilet for older trainers – look for a toddler toilet seat and step ladder combo. The babyU Cushie Step-Up Padded Toilet Seat with Step Stool is ideal for this as the comfy seat makes your tot feel safe and the stool allows them to rest their feet, so their legs aren’t dangling.

6. Sing a song of poo. Talk about poo in a matter of fact way and, if you can, sing a silly ditty about it… Make sure your kid knows that the body gets rid of poo as we don’t need it and that it’s not something that their body is losing. Wave ‘bye bye’ to the poo as you tip it into the toilet from the potty and ensure your child isn’t sitting on the toilet when you flush.

7. Water & fibre. Poos can be painful at times so ensure your kid is drinking plenty of water and gets enough fibre.

8. Take your time. Little ones may need to sit on the potty or toilet for quite a while before their body is ready for them to poo. If you’re lucky you’ll spot a pattern in your child’s bowel movements, but if not it’s a good idea to get into a routine – first thing in the morning or after breakfast, after lunch etc.

9. Choose the season. You can’t necessarily choose which season to toilet train your toddler in but summer – and warmer months in general – is great as they’re wearing fewer clothes and they are often easier to get off/on, not to mention less washing for you when there are accidents. It also allows for a lot of nappy free time at home, which means no clothes to remove when nature calls.

10. Lay on the praise. After successful poos, or simply good attempts like sitting on the potty for a good period of time, make sure your partner knows, tell their Grandma on the phone (so they can hear) that they are getting better and braver.

Patience is key to toilet training success and even more so if your kid is scared of pooing. If the above steps aren’t working for you, or you’re both finding it really stressful, take yout foot off the pedal. Wait a week or two and start again.

When to see a doctor about my child not wanting to poo?

“It’s common for children – boys in particular – not to fully toilet trained until after the age of four, so don’t panic,” says Megan Baker. “Revisit the tips and advice above few weeks, or when your child is showing more signs of discomfort in soild nappies, the ability to undress themselves.”

“If they are getting tummy aches because of poo refusal or want to poo but can’t due to constipation, it’s worth checking in with your GP for specific health advice.”