Fiona Falkiner’s path to motherhood and discussing IVF with her sons
“I don’t want it to ever be this big bombshell… you were made out of love.”
This is an edited extract from Parenting in Progress by Mel Wilson
Television host and model Fiona Falkiner’s journey to motherhood didn’t turn out how she expected. She once thought she would never have kids – until she held her nephew in her arms for the first time in her mid-twenties, and everything changed.
‘From that point on I was, like, I can’t wait to have my own.’ She was single at the time but determined to make it happen, even if that meant doing it on her own. ‘I hadn’t found The One, and this is something I wanted … I didn’t want it not to happen because I hadn’t fallen in love with someone. I feel like that puts way too much pressure on dating. I would rather just take control of things – I’m a bit of a control freak – and just do it.’
Meeting her partner, Hayley Willis
Thanks to the connectivity of social media, the former contestant and host of The Biggest Loser didn’t need to do it alone. Almost a decade after she held her nephew and committed to doing whatever it took to become a mum, Fee’s Instagram profile popped up in the feed of sports journalist Hayley Willis.
Hayley didn’t know who Fee was, but she was keen to get to know her. Thanks to a bit of liquid courage while on holiday in Europe, she slid into Fee’s DMs. There was something about Hayley’s message that stood out from the other strangers in Fee’s inbox, so she agreed to meet for a drink in real life.
Fee wanted to be upfront about her plans to start a family alone, so the conversation quickly turned to children. As fate would have it, Hayley shared the same dream, so after just a few months of dating they started investigating the possibility of IVF. ‘I think I actually told Hayley, this is my plan, I’m having a baby in the next couple of years … It was kind of allowing her to decide whether she was on board, but she was from the word go.’
As their relationship progressed, Fee started to worry that she was putting too much pressure on her new partner to start IVF so quickly, but Hayley was a hundred percent committed. She started researching and making phone calls to meet with an IVF clinic. ‘She just took the lead. It made me realise I’m not driving this train alone now.’
“I’m pregnant!”
After a few months of trying, the couple received the news they had waited desperately to hear: Fee was pregnant with a little boy. But the battle was far from over. Fee’s pregnancy was ‘hell’. She developed excruciating pelvic girdle pain across her hips and lower back (usually attributed to the ligaments softening from the increase in hormones). The pain became so bad that, as she approached her due date, she could barely walk.
Announcing the arrival of Hunter William
In March 2021, two years after they first talked about starting a family, Hunter William stole their hearts and the challenging journey to get to that point became a distant memory. ‘I never really thought about how life-changing it would be – it just changes your whole world. Prior to having Hunter, I’d been single for over ten years, and I’d been working, travelling the world. It was all about me. And then to have this little person that was so reliant on you, it just changed my whole purpose.’
Fee adored being a mum, but the first few weeks were tough. Having suffered anxiety throughout her life, she found the relentlessness of breastfeeding a newborn, along with the sleepless nights and the responsibility that comes with being a new mum, ‘intense’. It was a situation made even more gruelling by the endless lockdowns in Sydney during the pandemic and a lack of access to both personal and professional support networks.
Baby number two is on the way
Twelve months after Hunter’s birth, both mother and son were thriving. They had made it through the challenging first year and were ready for round two. Hayley was expanding – and so was their family. Spencer was born three weeks early in August of 2022 and was conceived using the same sperm donor as his older brother.
They were just sixteen months apart, something Hayley and Fee had hoped for all along. ‘Two boys under two, how hard can it be?!’ Both babies were so different. Spencer laughed, smiled and giggled, whereas Hunter seemed a bit behind on most of his milestones. ‘I sometimes wondered whether Hunter was that way because I was so stressed. Maybe it was because I was like this worried face staring at him the whole time.’
Talking to our kids about our IVF journey
Now that Hunter and Spencer are getting older and starting to become more aware, Fee and Hayley are discussing how and when they will tell them about their IVF journey. ‘I don’t want it to ever be this big bombshell. I just want it to be like, “This is just the way it is, and you were made out of love.” I want to instil in them a sense of pride and acceptance in our family, because there’s always gonna be bullies and kids saying things at school. I never want my kids to have any kind of shame or anything like that about our family.’
This is an edited extract from Parenting in Progress by Mel Wilson published by HarperCollins Australia. Available now.
