Cracking the co-parenting code: Two mums share their experiences
Alicia and Elise share the ups and downs of co-parenting with their exes, in a new podcast from Bounty Parents and Aptamil Toddler.
Going through a separation or divorce can be challenging, especially when there are children in the picture.
In Australia, around 30% of marriages result in divorce, and nearly half of these cases include families with children under 18.
A positive co-parenting relationship sees both parents separately working together to raise their child in a safe and loving environment. It requires regular and respectful communication, active participation in the child’s care and activities, and putting aside personal feelings for the child’s wellbeing. But, coming off the back of a separation, this can be easier said than done.
Sharing their own co-parenting experiences on the Bounty Parents and Aptamil Toddler parenting podcast, Every Parent Has a Story to Tell, mums Alicia and Elise talk about how their co-parenting journeys and why, above all else, it’s important to put aside your differences with your former partner to put your child first.
Alicia’s story
“I’ve gone from solo mum to mum with four kids”
Podcast co-host, Julie Snook sums up the challenges of co-parenting and the introduction of new relationships when she says at the start of the podcast, “Parenting is hard enough when things are going well, so I can only imagine how difficult it becomes and how many layers there become when relationships end and new begin – and you’re bringing in new members of families as well.”
Alicia is all too familiar with this scenario. After separating from her ex-husband about four years ago, Alicia has now remarried and has three step-children. Her daughter is now six.
“I’ve gone from solo mum to mum with four kids which has been a huge learning curve. I never thought I would have this, but it’s been a blessing and I’m really lucky to have a big family with children who, at times, are challenging but are also the loveliest little humans.”
Typically, when we move on from ex-partners, we leave them in the past but when there are children involved, it’s not that simple. Alicia says initially her co-parenting relationship with her ex was strained.
“It was really tough in the beginning. We were not co-parenting in the best way at first. There was a lot of anger,” says Alicia. “It wasn’t until we went through mediation and got a better structure in place – it was very stressful at the time and quite upsetting, but it got us to a place where we had very clear boundaries about what we should be doing and how we should move forward and how we should communicate.
“We started communicating through an app. It was all very clear. Nothing could be missed. There were dates in the calendar and any expenses were there as well. It honestly was six months of getting back on track, and it was the best thing that we could have ever done and now, we don’t need to use an app.”
Alicia sums up how far her co-parenting relationship with her ex has improved and believes there is hope for others.
“It’s about having clear communication and talking as much as you can and thinking about the child. You get to a point where the anger goes and it’s just about her.”
Elise’s story
“My ex-husband left me when I was seven months pregnant”
After a relationship breakdown it often takes a lot of work for two parents to get to the stage where they can say their co-parenting relationship is going well.
This is the case for Elise and her ex-husband whose co-parenting journey began when their daughter was a newborn.
“My almost ex-husband left me when I was seven months pregnant,” Elise tells podcast hosts Carla Bignasca and Julie Snook.
“We were living in New York at the time. We’d been living in New York for about seven or eight years at that point. We’d been together for 15 years. So, he left when I was having a very, very difficult pregnancy. There was an affair. There were other people involved.”
Speaking about how she navigated life as a mother and co-parenting with her ex, Elise says it was an “incredibly trying, difficult time”.
“My daughter will be four next week. She’s only ever known her life with two households. Mummy’s house and Daddy’s house. It has been a really tricky thing to navigate. I didn’t have my family. My mum was there when she was born but I had built an amazing village of strong women, strong mothers who help me through it which I will never be able to thank them for. Everyone who has a baby knows you just keep going. You figure it out.”
Elise has since returned to Australia and is proud of the co-parenting relationship she has now with her ex.
“We have pretty good communication, all things considered, we do co-parent really well. Right from the very beginning I made clear that no matter what I think of you and no matter what you’ve put me through she will always come first, and we have to get on for the sake of her. We’ve both made a strong effort to co-parent effectively.”
Summing up her experience and everything she has gone through since becoming a mum, Elise says, “I’m tougher than I ever gave myself credit for. Like, there’s days when people say, gosh, you’re so tough. And I go, yeah, but I don’t want to have to be tough all the time. But I have learned massive amounts of resilience and patience. And yeah, mums are incredible.”
Listen to Every Parent Has a Story to Tell’s full episode, Cracking the Co-Parenting Code with Carla Bignasca, Julie Snook and everyday mums, Elise, and Alicia.
This episode of Every Parent Has a Story to Tell is brought to you by Bounty Parents and Aptamil Toddler. Every Parent Has a Story to Tell is a new podcast series that aims to get intel and experience for parents of all walks of life. We’ll cover all the important issues highs, lows and everything in between with some well-known and everyday Aussie mums and dads hosted by media personalities and real life moms, Julie Snook and Carla Bignasca, who will share, learn and discover from our unique but shared journeys. So what’s your story? Every parent has one.
Every Parent Has a Story to Tell podcast episodes:
- Cracking the co-parenting code, with real-life mums Elise and Alicia
- Building toddler immunity, with accredited practising paediatric dietitian Marianne Tomlin
- Making modern parenting work, with Kevin and Bob (Gogglebox)
- Jana Pittman’s gloriously unconventional family
- Tempting fussy eaters, with accredited practising paediatric dietitian Marianne Tomlin
This is not intended to replace medical advice. Always consult your healthcare professional.
Brought to you by Aptamil Toddler