“Why doesn’t my toddler listen?”

How to handle your toddler’s selective hearing

If you’re a parent or carer of a toddler, we’ll bet you some Bluey biscuits that you’ve said this once or twice: “Why doesn’t my toddler listen to me?”

Have you ever wondered if your toddler might be slightly deaf? Or how you can get your child to do something without you getting to the yelling stage?

Yes? In most cases, your toddler doesn’t have a hearing impairment, they’re just not really listening to you.

In reality, most toddlers have learned they actually don’t need to try to listen, as their loving parent will repeat information enough times until they feel like listening. Toddlers learn that they don’t need to listen and respond until Mum or Dad actually starts yelling in desperation.

Skills for all ears

The good news is that poor listening skills can be remedied. It often just means parents need to modify the environment and adopt more consistent management strategies.

Begin by turning off some of your entertainment devices so there’s less background noise, and ensure your toddler isn’t distracted by some form of screen.

The next step is to avoid talking from a distance or repeating unheard messages. Instead, go to your toddler, get down to her level and make good eye contact. If she is distracted, block her attention to the distracting element, such as the iPad or TV. Also, try to be animated and clear so she has little option but to listen.

Young toddler in blue t-shirt climbing on the sofa to reach up to the high shelf — Helping toddlers learn to listen can help keep them safe. *(Image: Getty)*

Positive learning to help kids listen

Younger toddlers need cueing in, either by verbal or tactile means. A verbal command, such as using your toddler’s name and giving a verbal ‘listening’ prompt, or touching your toddler, conditions her towards good listening.

A common mistake is to just expect good listening. However, as with most parenting, toddlers always respond better and learn skills more effectively when they’re given genuine praise, recognition and affection.

This can simply be an engaging smile, warm feedback and positive praise for being a good listener.

Another common mistake is to keep repeating yourself until your toddler decides to listen and respond. It’s more effective to adopt a consistent process, such as only repeating verbal messages a maximum of three times before taking action.

Very few toddlers will naturally adopt a ‘listen and do the first time I’m told’ approach.

They often need one or two reminders. A good basic process is to ask, request and remind, then take action. This requires the difficult challenge of being firm, such as removing toys by the third reminder ‒ despite the impending tantrum.

Mum with long dark hair sitting on a sofa holding her toddler son's hand as he looks away from her, not listening — Keeping directions simple, direct and brief may help if your toddler doesn’t listen. (Image: Getty)

Talk less, not more if your toddler isn’t listening

Most parents tend to talk more when toddlers don’t listen.

However, this could potentially confuse a toddler who doesn’t have good receptive language or early auditory processing skills. A good hint when your toddler doesn’t listen is to be simple, direct and brief.

If you’re not sure if your toddler can understand and orally comprehend when you ask her to pack up or get ready for bathtime, try this little trick: use the same language to offer a special treat or activity.

Toddler girl sitting on a sofa, screaming and pulling at her top as her mum tries to put socks on her — Very few toddlers will naturally adopt a ‘listen and do the first time I’m told’ approach. *(Image: Getty)*

Does my toddler have a hearing problem?

We do need to be aware that poor listening skills in a toddler can actually be a sign of hearing impairment, although this affects less than 2 per cent of kids.

Toddlers with medical problems like glue ear, repetitive ear infections and sinus congestion are more prone to occasional hearing difficulty.

However, these toddlers tend to be more inconsistent poor listeners.

Mum sitting on park bench holding a toddler's arm as he looks away not listening to her — It can be hard to get a busy toddler to listen and that can very frustrating for parents. *(Image: Getty)*

Hearing and speech in toddlers

Similarly, kids with early speech problems might possibly have a hearing problem.

Toddlers who have been exposed to illnesses, such as measles, whooping cough and mumps  are more prone to hearing loss. Kids who turn up the volume very high, who listen when  you face them (focusing more on your lips), but who don’t appear to listen when you’re close behind them, may have  a hearing difficulty.

In any such cases, visit your family doctor for a quick check-up, possibly followed by formal hearing assessment.

Fortunately, a good majority of childhood hearing difficulties respond  very well to treatment and intervention.

In most cases, an actual hearing difficulty isn’t the cause. Toddlers will usually respond well when we keep our directions simple, short and engaging.

In time, poor listeners become good at hearing with consistency and plenty of positive recognition.

This article first appeared on our sister site, Practical Parenting, and is reproduced and edited here with permission.