Libby Trickett and Turia Pitt celebrate the “small wins”
The athletes, authors and mums have overcome enormous physical and mental hurdles.
Talking to journalist Rebecca Sparrow at a Flood Fundraiser alongside fellow athlete, author and mum-of-two Turia Pitt, Libby Trickett admits that her love of self-help books – and more recently yoga – have helped through the hard times after she retired from swimming and started a family.
The 37-year-old now channels her experiences into Unlocking her Potential, which aims to normalise conversations around mental health, and All that Glitters, a weekly podcast where she interviews retired athletes.
At the Qld/NSW floods online fundraiser, Libby and Turia discussed parenting, the books that influenced them, triumph over adversity, and how adults and kids can practise gratitude.
As much as you can prepare for parenthood there is always a host of unknowns that you encounter in the first year, and this is something that Libby knows all too well.
The learning curve is especially steep in the first six weeks as you get to know your baby and wrangle relationships with your other children, partner and loved ones as you face a tiredness like never before. Add raging hormones into the mix and a new mum’s mood can plummet to depths unknown and postnatal depression and anxiety is a real risk.
In her 2019 memoir Beneath the Surface, authentic and honest mum-of-three (Poppy, 6, Edwina, 3, Bronte 2) Libby Trickett shared painful stories of severe postnatal depression after the birth of her first daughter in 2015, and she has made some serious changes to her life since then in order to protect her mental health.
“Around four months, [Poppy] decided that sleep was just not for her at all,” she told A Current Affair at the time of her book launch. “And the progression of the extreme sleep deprivation … just spiralled my mental health and my mental illness to a point that I became scared of me.”
Libby with her three daughters after her World Series Swim on the Sunshine Coast.
“I’ve been railing against it for a long time!” – Libby Trickett
As well as running her new business, Unlocking her Potential, Libby is training to be a counsellor and also a yoga teacher – professions where she can use her experience and empathy to support others. When asked if she writes a gratitude journal she told Rebecca that while she really wanted to but had been railing against it for a long time. “I feel like such a w****r… hashtag blessed! Hashtag grateful!” but then she started doing it and found “It’s magic because you actually start to really reflect on the small things!”
“Like, today, my oldest daughter, Poppy, has been really struggling to get to school. It’s been a real punish in so many different ways … it’s been really stressful and anxiety inducing. This morning I had to race off to an appointment, so I tried to set her up for success. I was talking to her. I’m like, I’m going to have to drop you at the bottom of the hill, and you’re going to have to walk up to your classroom by yourself…
“She’s like, okay, and then it happened. What? This never happened! So, the little moments like that where you go, I actually had a win. It wasn’t terrible. It wasn’t a complete shitshow. And you can acknowledge that.
“I’m really happy with how I handled that. I’m really proud of her for how she handled that. And I feel like it makes my connection stronger.
“But putting her to bed is another complete shitshow. Yeah, it’s a wild ride, but you can at least acknowledge those good parts!”
Host Rebecca shares her way of getting her kids to look the positive in the day. She tells them “Everywhere you go, throughout your day, there is glitter floating around everywhere. There are sparkles everywhere, and I want you to look for it and catch it.”
“What an honour it was to be asked to be part of another incredible event run by @rebecca_sparrow_ and @janiesullivan with @turiapitt to raise money for the flood relief initiative!” – Libby Trickett
“Everybody seems to be doing pretty well, and here I am…” – Libby Trickett
Rebecca Sparrow asked Libby, “How do you decide how far you’re going to go and what you’re going to talk about in your memoir?”
“There’s still so much of your life that doesn’t go into a book. It’s a conscious choice around respecting family members as well and saying as much as you can from your side of the experience through to the other side of the experience.
“I always wanted to tell my story as fully and as wholly as I possibly could, which I feel like the book did. I had been asked to do a book straight after I’d finished swimming, but I didn’t want to do a sporting memoir.
“I feel like there’s always so much more to people than the things that they do. And off the back of a podcast I did with Mamamia – I Don’t Know How She Does It – I got approached to talk about my experiences, particularly around depression and the birth of my first daughter, and those kind of really dark moments.
“And I think they can be really huge, dramatic, traumatic events – like Turia has experienced – or they could be much more quiet, but also very dark. They’re the things that a lot of us go through and, if we can articulate them, it’s like Mia Freedman says ‘there is someone out there with a wound in the identical shape of your words’.
“You kind of judge yourself as though you’re a bad parent for thinking harmful thoughts about your child – and that’s definitely a place that I got to, which is scary. You never imagine that you’re going to get to that point in your life.
“And I saw so many of my friends and my family have children, and you just go, ‘Oh, cool. That’s what everybody does. And everybody seems to be doing it pretty well. And here I am wanting to harm my baby’…”
Responding to host Rebecca’s question about whether talking or writing about deeply personal, difficult traumas was excruciating or cathartic, Libby responded by saying “it’s quite healing because you get connected with other people”.
“And what is life if we’re not growing and evolving, if we’re not constantly learning?” Libby says. “[Sharing my story] helps me to connect with people because I’m reflecting on how I feel and how I manage my anxiety or depression, or how I interact with people and making people smile or laugh.
“That’s been part of why I’ve continued to share my experience on a day-to-day basis, because we do have lots of anxiety and doubts, and question ourselves constantly, not just in those big dramatic and hard moments, but in everyday. Even just coming on here today – like Turia Pitt and Bec Sparrow! I’m like, oh God, this is so nerve wracking!” Libby admits.
“Most people are just very normal and have very normal thoughts. We just put one foot in front of the other. A lot of people have kids who don’t listen to them, even though you’ve asked them 600 million times to put their shoes on before they go to school.
“These are things that we’re all experiencing and we just need to talk about it. And yeah, you can go out and kick ass and have an awesome career or life or achieve wonderful things. But also the back of my car looks like a swamp!”
“I have a sort of script I follow – it’s self preservation” – Turia Pitt
After being caught in bushfire during an Ultramarathon in 2011, Turia Pitt received burns to 65% of her body and was told she’d never run again. But run she does, and also hosts a popular and successful online running program.
The 34-year-old athlete, author of five books and mum to boys Hakavia (4) and Rahiti (2), told the group: “I’ve always loved books. I’ve got a huge reading appetite. When I was younger, I read a lot of Roald Dahl books and John Marsden – Tomorrow When the War Began series. Then there’s really a good series by Robin Klein, including Hating Alison Ashley, and Came Back to Show You I Could Fly.”
She also introduced the idea of ‘comfort reading’ to Libby, Rebecca and the online audience.
“Have you heard of that concept of nostalgic reading? So when you’re stressed or you’ve got a lot going on, you’re feeling overwhelmed, you turn to a book or a series that you find comforting and soothing. And for me, Robin Klein’s book is that.
“I find writing is my favourite thing to do,” Turia continues. “That I can look at it and then I can say, is that what I’m trying to say? And then I can write more and rearrange it so it reflects what exactly I’m feeling.
“Whereas I feel when I’m speaking, sometimes words come out and that wasn’t the impact that I was hoping to make. And, I find with public speaking, I do have almost a script that I go to, and that’s just self preservation.”
Mum of three, host Rebecca gave birth to her stillborn daughter, Georgia, in 2010 and, for a period of time, spoke at events about stillbirths and recognises this ‘self preservation’ in her own talks.
“I completely understand what you’re saying with that because I’m thinking to myself that when I and I don’t do it as much anymore because I find it too painful,” Rebecca said to Turia. “But when I used to go to events on stillbirth I’d have to frame certain sentences and I would nearly find myself speeding up to get through the sentence so that I’m not stopping on emotion.”
Turia agreed that “If you feel the feelings all the time, you would either breakdown and cry in front of everyone on stage, which I have done. That’s why writing is my favourite. Also, I’m an introvert, so I love sitting behind my computer writing with coffee or a glass of wine.”
Turia was told she’d never run again and now she teaches others to run, too.
“If you don’t do it now, when will you do it?” – Turia Pitt
With her finger of the nation’s pulse, Turia shared a moving post to Instagram in early March saying Reminder: It’s OK if you feel scared, and sad, and angry and overwhelmed right now. It’s normal. There’s a lot going on. And a lot of it IS really scary and overwhelming.
When asked on the Zoom event how she practises the gratitude that she talks about in social media, mining engineer Turia noted the importance of breaking it down.
“I really think our lives consist of days. Obviously, I don’t get marked for rocket science just there!” Turia laughs. “But I feel like if we make the most of our days or that we find things in our days, that’s a really good trick to get you to start focusing on the positive to start with, which helps you build a more positive mindset. But it also just makes you enjoy your day more.
“When I go to bed at night, I think of three things that have gone really well that I’m thankful for. So today, I took my boys down to the beach this arvo and they kind of played in the sand and all that sort of crazy stuff.
“Two, I had a really good chat this morning with Kurt Fearnley on my podcast. And that was amazing! And also I had a really nice dinner of tuna pasta bake, which I made. And I’m not a chef, but it was very delicious. The interview with Kurt Fearnley, that doesn’t happen every day, but most of those things happen on a daily basis. And I think it’s just about noticing those small moments in the day which you’re thankful for.
“I’ve gotten to speak alongside Libby Trickett today. That is my fourth win for today! That’s amazing!” Turia adds.
Rebecca adds that the older she gets the less f***s she gives and the guests agree.
“I find that the older I’m getting, the more I’m realising that my lifespan is getting smaller. And so it’s almost like if you don’t do it now – your bravery opens up – when will you do it? Like if you don’t do this thing that you’ve always wanted to do, whether that’s running or riding a book or breaking up with your partner or whatever, when will it happen?
Turia Pitt on coping when you’re overwhelmed
Turia shared her tips on how to keep going when it all feels too much:
1. Firstly, try to accept it.
Your experience right now might better than someone else’s … or it might be worse. But, however you want to spin it, a tough time is a tough time. Accept it. There’s no need to temper it with an “at least ….”. Say to yourself “Yep, this is shit”. It’s amazing what happens when we drop the facade that “Everything’s OK”.
2. Secondly, change your focus.
Ask yourself “How can I be of service? How can I help?’ In Australia right now, you could donate to @givit_aus to help those in flood affected areas. But there are also some brilliant movements being set up to help Ukrainians – like booking an Airbnb in Ukraine or heading to Etsy.com and purchasing some art as a digital download from a Ukrainian artist. Two great ways you can directly give to people in need.
3. And thirdly, ask yourself “What would make today feel just a little bit better?”
And whatever the answer is: making apple crumble, talking to a friend, putting on a comforting TV show, reading your favourite book, playing Monopoly with the kids … go and do it. Make it happen. Find the small pockets of happiness in your day and hold on to them.
And lastly, please know that being human means experiencing a full spectrum of emotion. So if you feel like you “should just be getting on with it already” and you’re not – well, my friend, that is perfectly okay.
